| Saturday, August 1, 2009,9:39 AM |
another pathetic day has finally passed.
it's almost 1 am now and by the time i'm done with this post, it'd probably be 1 am already.
time for yet another barely sleep-able night just to wake up to another pathetic day.
an endless cycle is the only way for me to describe this. --
tell me, why do you have to haunt me?
every time i see that teddy bear on my desk, tears threatened to spill.
i have no idea why i still keep in on my desk.
i used to smile every time i see it but now, it's the opposite.
every time i see that keychain hanging from my phone pouch, i think back about the times we used to share.
i tried to get rid of it but i didn't have the heart to do it.
when i was about to let go of it and let it fall, my heart shouted for me to stop and i became stiff.
now, that keychain hangs proudly on my phone pouch instead of my pencil case.
what a stupid idea that was.
i'm counting as the days pass by.
day by day...
how many days has it been already?
why haven't i let go?
in my heart, i carry a silly wish.
a wish that will probably never even come true...
why am i still waiting for you even when i know i'll never have you back?
why did i still have to have so much hope?
please, just cover this ray of light from reaching my heart.
i hate having hope for you... it hurts too much.
is it weird that i care much more about your future than you, yourself, do?
it is, after all, YOUR future and not mine.
why do i worry about you when you obviously don't even care about me anymore?
despite all that, i'm still going to worry.
i promised someone that i'd fix you.
and ever since then, it became one of my aims not because i promised but because i care.
being cold to me also wont make me let go.
i'm probably stupid.
that's the reason why.
when you're cold to me, instead of leaving you alone, i have the urge to talk to you more despite knowing that all i'll receive is just another stab in the heart and another painful blow in my ego.
speaking of my ego, it completely deflated because of you.
i dont know what to tell your friends too.
why am i acting like everything is okay when it's not?
all those forced smiles and laugh, i felt so fake.
why am i putting up to this because of you?
the you who isn't suppose to mean anything to me anymore.
the you who is attempting to escape from my life.
the you i desperately need.
why did you build up all my happiness just to crush it?
you told me that you'd always make me happy, so why aren't you?
i dont care... please come back...
sentence of the day;
There's always going to be that one person that no matter what he does, what he says, or how many times he hurted you, you just can`t let him go because he means that much to you...
credit: soompi for picture & quote
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Believe in the power of Karma. Whatever you do shall be repaid, be it good or bad. Oh, and this is my blog, so I obviously don’t give a damn about what you think.
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since 6th July 2008
♣ jane, sora, wasabii or milk
♣ 12.o1
♣ likes to photoshop
♣ studying in CHMS
♣ obsessed with touching hair
♣ loves chocolate way too much
♣ listens to korean music
♣ is random, weird and crazy
♣ is nice but mean in some ways
♣ does not like to be teased
♣ likes reading fanfics & manga
♣ a lousy writer
♣ i hate DOTA with passion
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IWants
♠ a happy life
♠ his love and undivided attention
♠ improve my drawing
♠ more plushies (i bet this will never be crossed off)
♠ study hard
♠ more drawing tools
♠ stable emotions
♠ cuff earrings
♠ second piercing (left)
♠ more clothes
♠ learn hacking
♠ DIE SWINE FLU!!! PERISH!
♠ find cappu
♠
♠ get "dark lord"
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